Dr. Burnshead

Order my magazine Picture Stories
The Love Addiction
1. The Love Addiction

Fool's Gold
2. Fool's Gold

Game Over: Insert Coin
3. Game Over: Insert Coin

Night Thoughts
4. Night Thoughts

The Need to be More Than Human
5. The Need to be More Than Human

The Night Owl
6. The Night Owl

Summerdream
7. Summerdream

Welcome to My House Party
8. Welcome to My House Party

pole performance

i had my first performance in front of a random group of people the other day. 

The whole week I was nervous that I would get stage fright or performance anxiety and freeze up and make a fool of myself in front of everybody. 

I tried not to think that though so I wouldn’t jinx myself. I didn’t know what to think…so i tried not to think about it at all and just go for it. 

I have experienced extreme nerves many a time before a performance. But I thought maybe once the music began I would go into the zone. 

The two other people who were performing with me told me not to expect to go into “the zone” in a performance like setting. They were like you will have to “act” more, things won’t feel as natural. 

They said to expect to be very nervous. 

That morning I was very nervous but minutes before the performance I was not nervous at all. 

Then standing in the corner waiting to go on, I was still not nervous. In fact, very weirdly, I was feeling especially confident. 

We went through the crowd and had to flirt with everyone and engage with the audience. I felt extremely confident. How weird. 

Then it was my dance, my time to freestyle. I did go into the zone, and it was very easy for me to engage with the audience. 

I thought I would not be a good performer because allegedly I am shy and can’t express myself well, but I was wrong. It was easy to express myself and be natural. It was easy to engage with people in the crowd. It was easy to go into the zone. I wasn’t nervous at all. I was very happy with my performance. Everything went perfectly. 

Afterwards there was a huge line. Everyone wanted to take photos with us. We were standing in a big bay window, and a guy in a convertible rolled up and just stopped in his tracks. He stared at us and gave us a thumbs up and just sat there in a trance, while we were taking photos with everyone LOL. We were all in our outfits. Everyone came up to us and me afterwards and said “NO REALLY THANK YOU!!” that we were wonderful. A guy came up to me and said “I have to embrace you. Your dance made me feel SOME TYPA WAY” lol. The whole energy in the place changed and people were laughing and dancing in the streets after us. It was pretty cool. 

I was very happy. It was a lot of fun. And i got paid. For what? I’d have done it for free. It was funny, the money really was like the cherry on top as they say, because it was so fun and then money too? It just made it all the more crazy and sweeter. 

I was proud of myself. I think I had a bone to pick with myself about body image. growing up, I felt people picked on me for how i looked. I never felt pretty except when i stared at my face in the mirror and wondered if everyone else was a f*cker and i was actually the most beautiful person in the world. I always felt fat, like i had to be in hiding, while others wore bikinis. Of course, i could have just done it anyway but i was too scared. I felt I had to conquer my fears, for myself, to prove to myself i wasn’t afraid anymore. 

I had to wear a bikini with my butt out in front of everyone to show myself I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had to kill the fear.

Great job. Great attempt to kill the fear. 

It’s like I grabbed the fear put it in a chair and said watch me strip….

It liked it I think. 

The whole thing was definitely my idea of a fun time. 

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What is done in love is done well -Vincent van Gogh
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I post a pic of a stump tailed macaque on the site. I receive this email from my dad.

I post a pic of a stump tailed macaque on the site. I receive this email from my dad.

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"Socially we’re conditioned to avoid taking social risks. We’re taught that rejection is something to be feared. We don’t allow ourselves to shamelessly broadcast the personality traits that would make us a one for some people and a ten for others. Instead we broadcast that safe six to seven middle range for everyone. Sixes and sevens don’t have to worry much about rejection, but they don’t get many invites either.

If you don’t take the risk of repulsing someone, you’ll never be as attractive as you could be.”

-anonymous (not really)

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look what god hath wrought

look what god hath wrought

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The lovers, the dreamers and me

The lovers, the dreamers and me

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Possessed by flow.
Sometimes I start to dance and realize flow is in control and she won’t let me make a mistake. She will make sure everything is seamless perfect and godlike. When you are visited by flow, let go, and know, the gods are smiling down on you tonight. It is like you are suddenly surfing on the flow of life itself.

Possessed by flow.

Sometimes I start to dance and realize flow is in control and she won’t let me make a mistake. She will make sure everything is seamless perfect and godlike. When you are visited by flow, let go, and know, the gods are smiling down on you tonight. It is like you are suddenly surfing on the flow of life itself.

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