Applies to everything:
Say I’m going to learn Spanish. My plan is to start by berating myself as often as possible for not already speaking Spanish. I’m going to hang up pictures of people who speak Spanish and every time I look at them I’m going to tell myself how much better they are than I am. As I learn Spanish I’ll constantly focus on the things that are difficult for me and use my inner voice, which is now trained to berate me at every possible opportunity, to remind me I’m not good enough at speaking Spanish and probably never will be.
…I believe success breeds success, so anytime I have any little bit of success I do not hesitate to do a butt-shaking happy dance. If I accomplish this thing or that thing, it makes it that much easier to tackle the next goal on my path. If I fail, I remind myself this is a temporary state and promptly learn the lesson and forget about the rest as soon as possible. That works so much better for me than hating myself and reminding myself what I haven’t accomplished yet.
Did you ever watch the movie “Cool Runnings”? It was loosely based on the first Jamaican Olympic bobsled Team. In it, one of the characters is asked what “Cool Runnings” means and he says it means “Peace be the journey.” Since they are a bobsled team, I take that to mean not that things will be smooth, slow and easy, but that you can still be at peace through the difficult parts. Anytime we want to change or improve, it involves a journey; there’s no getting around that. You can be happy or miserable on the way; that’s your choice. For me it’s definitely Cool Runnings! Peace be the journey.
“If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.”
- Nadine Stair, 85 years old.
“Fame is rot; daughters are the thing.” -J.M.Barrie
I read the book The Midnight Fox by Betsy Byars (pictured above—clearly a true animal lover).
This book was recommended by a blogger I like Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project (I liked her book).
She said it was a perfect book.
I was blown away.
This is one of the most powerful books I have ever read.
The tension is so thick. The feeling of dread and magnetism it creates pulling you toward what you feel is an inevitable dreadful conclusion is so strong.
I remembered what it was like to have a kid’s summer, where you stay in the woods all day.
It reminded me of how when you are a kid you can do a bit of magical thinking where some random thing becomes incredibly important and powerful, almost like you have OCD.
It was about animals, which is probably why I cried, and I usually only tear but never release the tears when reading a sad book.
It is very hilarious too.
So well written.
Any person who feels strongly about animals will love and be riveted to their seat by this small little book.
What a genius!!
On Thursday I went to a play with my 2 friends from college. I heard it was about body image issues and s factor, so I had to go. It was amazing. It was two woman who each did a one woman show back to back. It was called Naked and Crazy and was part of the INternational Fringe Festival. I thought they were so inspiring how they just wrote a show about their lives, and were hilarious and great actors. The one whose show was about S Factor ended with a s factor style pole dance. It was pretty great. And she did a hilarious imitation of so many s factor teachers. It’s cool to know that S Factor had the same effect on others that it had on me, which was making me feel much better about my body. How does it do that? I really don’t know.
After that we went to a Miso Ramen place with many different kinds of miso. Since I am into fermented foods now, I thought it would be cool to try some real Miso. Sean and our friend BEN met up with us, and that was cool and then we went to pinkberry, and ben and emily watched in awe as sean loaded up his usual large 3 random flavors of ice cream with tons of toppings. What a card.
The next day, Friday, sean had the day off and slept all day whilst I sat in the shower all day basically with the water running on me due to cramps. I learned the technique from someone who had migraines. It really helped when the advil would just not kick in for hours.
That night after an exhausting day we had missed galt’s premiere, and I went back to my place to change. There was Aubrey who had left the movie early since he thought people shouldn’t do stupid things like steal (the movie was about an ex-con man). He made us all play scrabble. He chose me for his team because I never show weakness and always insist I am a winner at everything I do.
Luckily I managed to maintain my image by coming in in the clutch with the word “chi” , an alternate spelling of qi, the life force, which allowed us to win and sent Aubrey into the heavens. He was so happy to win. I’d let him win every game to see him so happy. But others such as the opposite team are often competitive people and even though they are older don’t like to lose. I am not that competitive. Never have been I think.
Then Emily and Ben invited us to a water park on Saturday and we decided to go. So we went back to Sean’s to prepare for an early departure.
That morning it was raining when we woke up but ben and emily were undeterred. They still wanted to go. We took the train to long island in the rain. We drove to the water park in the rain.
It was freezing and wet out but ben and emily were really excited and bought tickets and entered the park. I was trapped. I hate to be cold but here I was in the middle of long isle.
We bought rash guards…those tight spandex shirts to wear. That was good for me since I love a good piece of spandex.
I couldn’t believe we had to take off our clothes and enter an even colder body of water. I thought they were insane. There was barely anyone at the park.
When I did my first ride, as it whipped me around, in the cold, I thought to myself stay calm, don’t panic. I was being whipped around so fast in a tiny tube.
However, it was slightly fun and soon I stopped shivering and began getting into the swing of things more.
Then the water park became great.
It was so fun going on rides…Up down round and round, in the dark, with a strobe light, off a cliff, in a tunnel.
There was one ride that was very disorienting. For a second I panicked thinking we were stuck in a dark strobe lit, sewer with rushing water all around.
What a thrill.
It was adorable to see Sean in the wild, among groups of other people and my friends too.
He ate funnel cake, a churro, curly fries, an ice cream for lunch. What a goof ball.
He stacked up three tubes and went down “the lazy river” inside them.
Ben got a “european body art tattoo” of a penguin.
Then we went to ben’s parents for dinner.
They had a dog with a mysterious skin problem…whom I may be able to help since my dog mups had a similar mysterious skin problem which cleared up after trying many different things.
How proud I would feel if I was able to cure that dog.
Ben’s parents were so sweet serving us a delicious barefoot contessa style dinner. I was the butt of many jokes for eating corn in a haphazard way while Emily had eaten her corn like a computer program…extremely geometrically.
That’s so me, not caring about eating corn correctly.
That night we went home and Artie and CHX seemed mysteriously eager to see me. Well I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to hang with those hipsters about town so we hightailed it to green point to see what a typical saturday night in the lives of two too cool for school people was like.
I am not at liberty to disclose what it was like since it was so cool I was sworn to secrecy.
It was great. One of those nights where memories appear almost like disney dioramas…i’m thinking of the pirates of the carribean…where you travel through darkness only to see a little scene lit up in golden light…and then a little further on, another little scene lit up. ONe of those scenes I remember at 4 in the morning when everyone had mysteriously dissapeared and I was surrounded by 3 boys convincing them that fat people were the most attractive of all, and they all saw my points and agreed.
There was a golden light in a little room and everyone was talking at once, easily, words flowing, and smiling, and laughing, and the room was silent, even though it was very loud.
We took a taxi home and Sean kept saying Excellent! Excellent! Perfect, perfect, perfect, to the taxi driver when he got off at the right exit and pulled up to the corner.
In the morning, I agreed to meet Sean’s parents who were in town.
They were extremely nice and his mom wanted to know all about my life. A conversational style I deeply appreciate.
We went to a great mexican food place in Dumbo called Gran/Electrica where the food was divine. I got chilaquiles…and my mouth is watering. It is great.
Then when they left we watched a dum movie, then some nature videos on youtube about the harsh life of ibexes on a sheer cliff by the dead sea. It was so sad. It makes you wonder, are animals happy when they have so much hardship and their lives end in such tragic ways in the fight for survival.
That night Sean wanted to hear a story, so I made up a children’s story about two baby ibexes who went to the bottom of the cliff to get water and a snow leopard was watching them.
I could see it in the mind’s eye like Peter and the Wolf, a little Disney movie.
Would the world be better if there was no Survival of the fittest, if reality wasn’t so harsh, with this whole eat or be eaten mechanism.
Or is it somehow better this way. Or is it neither good nor bad, but simply the way of all things.
It’s tough to think about all these baby animals dying alone on the cliffs. In my story I tried to make the baby ibexes have a happy life and come out the victors.
On the other hand, I was in the softest of beds, happy, full, with memories of joy, laughter and good cheer. With friends, family, an adorable 6 year old scrabble lover, a hot boy, and a blog.
I wish I could adopt a family of Ibexes to live in my backyard. But would they even be happy. Probably not.
Well this is getting ridiculous.
Time to sign off,
Me < 3